Tuesday, January 24, 2012

World's sluttiest bridesmaids dresses

So if you have been keeping up with the Gingdashians, you know that my little sister is getting married, and I'm the Pippa, bitches!

Which brings a whole slew of new blogging possibilities. And don't worry, it will be full of swearing and sluttiness, like always.

First on the menu: the world's sluttiest bridesmaids dresses! (And prom, we can't leave those racy numbers out.)


That's one way to highlight Pippa's derriere.

The flower is a nice touch.

The bride will look STUNNING next to this demure number.

Nothing says "have her home by 9" like leopard and leather.

The rear zipper is like the velcro butt patch for troll dolls. Easy bathroom access.

G.I. Jane definitely won't outshine the bride.

I like that it showcases the back of the upper thigh... always a sexy hotspot for cellulite.

A wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.

Love the crumb catcher: eat dinner and store the leftovers where the sun don't shine.

Some of these are better left to the bedroom. So let's hear it, kiddies... which dress do YOU vote for?? Let's help my sister with the planning.

21 comments:

  1. I personally looooove the last one, easier to get out of when you bag a groomsmen!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sweet jesus is this epic. By the way, you and I think way too much alike. That both scares me and makes me like you more.

    If I had to pick one of these slutty dresses for you, I'd pick that leather/leopard one. It is truly hideous and something all bridesmaids should aspire too.

    P.S. The demure number caption made me LULZ out loud at my desk.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah, I commend your choice--excellent reasoning. Score 1 for crumb catcher dress. And B, I'm glad I could brighten your shit work day. Leather and leopard has one vote.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i vote for the second last as i believe this shouldn't be to expensive and every penny counts these days!

    ReplyDelete
  5. One vote for the second to last! A solid, minimalist choice in this downward economy, Poke.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I vote the last one also. With so precious little material, you might need a place to store things like a cell phone or a lipstick. Oh, haiii built in sling, haiii.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Lor, you're right! It's like a built in fanny pack for all of your lady essentials. You could even store a box of zebra cakes in there!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Omg. I'm dying. I think we should just get some pieces of duct tape for your nipples and call it a day. Cheap and easy. Pun intended.

    ReplyDelete
  9. YES. The bride has chosen, ladies... duct taped nipples it is. Maybe we can hot glue some white plastic roses to them for good measure.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's so hard to pick a favorite. I mean, they are all so lovely. Not to mention all the globe boobs supporting the tiny bits of fabric.

    I have to admit. I feel a bit like Joan Rivers when she does the Fashion Police show or whatever it's called. Me: "Who are you wearing?" Chicks in pics: "That guy at the bar later tonight." Hahahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha! I felt a bit like Joan Rivers while WRITING it. And I agree about the globe boobs, I suppose they're necessary to hold the dresses up, though.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow! The first one might be the sluttiest, with her asscrack on display (is that gonna be a new trend? please say no.)

    The second to last one can't be a really dress...right?

    I vote for the last one. Because if it was a real dress (cut at a normal length), it would be pretty.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Gia, I sure hope the asscrack display is NOT a new trend. And Mrs. O, I think we're going to need a whole TRUCKload of double sided tape!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I love the second and last dress. I have these and a couple others. I think this is perfect since I have been cuckolding my husband and now dating his boss.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  16. May I simply just say what a comfort to uncover an individual who really knows what they are discussing online.
    You definitely know how to bring a problem to light and make it important.
    More people need to check this out and understand this
    side of the story. I was surprised that you're not more popular because you definitely possess the gift.
    Also visit my web-site ; continue reading

    ReplyDelete
  17. This paragraph offers clear idea designed for the new
    users of blogging, that genuinely how to do blogging and site-building.


    my website Michael Kors Canada

    ReplyDelete
  18. Any chance you know where one could find the first dress?

    ReplyDelete
  19. What a material of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable familiarity concerning unexpected emotions.


    Here is my weblog - enlargement pills

    ReplyDelete
  20. Can I simply say what a comfort to discover a person that actually knows what they
    are discussing over the internet. You definitely
    understand how to bring an issue to light and make it important.
    More and more people really need to look at this and understand this side
    of your story. I can't believe you are not more popular because you surely have the
    gift.

    My blog post wireless internet companies

    ReplyDelete