The dog mizer

I watched her squat on the floor in front of Meg's cubicle and piss right on the floor. I swear she was grinning.

It was about that time that I realized that "bring your dog to work day" is nice in theory, but highly fucking irritating in practice.

Do you know how hard it is to get work done with puppies chasing each other around the office? Not to mention we had free food brought in today (yay!) which made for a begging free-for-all.

I tripped over leashes, smelled pee all day, and nearly fell out of my chair twice when the demolition of a nearby building caused a barking frenzy.

A great dane + a doxen + a busy fucking day = a very angry PGG.

Call me the dog mizer, but i think I'll stick to my mews. And maybe work from home next bring your dog to work day.

F*ck off, buddy.

I held my gaze straightforward, hands on the wheel, expression determined. A silver Volvo sped up to pass me in the left lane, and a small blue car kept pace with me on the right, clearly trying to get my attention.

Seriously? I thought. Fuck off, buddy. I LIKE driving in the middle lane, and your middle finger isn't going to ruin my Tuesday morning commute or change my driving habits.

I had cruise control on, so my speed maintained as he kept so obviously To the side of me. I grew annoyed at pretending to not see him, but i am stubborn as an ox and I wasn't giving in.

Finally, I saw him pull ahead of me, and I relaxed now that our game of chicken was over.

My passive aggressive middle finger was halfway raised when I realized it was one of my friends.

Guess maybe I should pipe down the road rage at 7:15am.

Trying to score dope

God dammit. I was late, it was raining, and all of the parking spots were taken. Frustrated, I drove around to the back lot, where I had never parked before. I shuffled quickly to the building with an armful of bags and my coffee cup, scanning the wall for the door.

I spotted it, scanned my keypads and grabbed the handle. Nothing. I scanned it again, and pulled on the door a second time. Again, nothing. What the hell??

I backed up and read the words on the door: "Addiction and Recovery Center."

Oh shit. Not the right door.

Embarrased, I lumbered around to the front door, and the key worked. Whew. I headed up to my office for the day.

I thought I was in the clear until I received a call from the front desk around 5pm asking me if I had tried to come in trough the wrong door this morning. What the- how did they KNOW? My face turned red and I burst out laughing as the receptionist explained that I had tripped an alarm and that it recorded that it was my key that had done the job.

So much for trying to fly under the radar for the first couple of weeks...

How soon is too soon?

2 and a half weeks. 11 days. That's how long it took for me to drop the first "that's what she said" on my new coworkers. Too soon?

How soon IS too soon to start letting your true colors fly at a new job? I mean, I went from PJs, Maury, and swearing like a sailor all day every day to: is pink sparkly nail polish appropriate? how soon can I start wearing flip flops? And most importantly, can these people handle my Michael Scott impressions?

Turns out, they can. Hours after my first TWSS, i received my first email about zombies from a fellow designer. Thus began finding a middle ground between the me that sleeps with a pink gingham pillow and business casual me.